Things I hate versus things I love, humour me!

THINGS I hate:

1. When people stand in the narrow aisle at the back of the bus when it's crowded, instead of the wider space near the centre doors which is PROVIDED FOR THAT VERY REASON!

2. Being watched by someone in a cafe while I devour a BLT, only for them to smugly indicate their own black sugarless coffee and trim midriff.

3. Having an itchy bum while walking down the street, miles from any convenient pub/loo/changing room/area not in public view. (In this situation one is consigned to doing the Quick Walk of the Poker Up the Arse variety while shiftily trying to scratch through ones jeans.)

4. Snotty waitresses who sigh loudly when you ask for another minute to decide what you want to order. (I'm not being condescending cos you work as a waitress love, I just want another 60 seconds.)

5. People who stare at you quizzically in the street but then scuttle on without alerting you to the fact that you have wildly windswept hair/dirt on your cheek/a booger.

6. Men who smirk knowingly when you ask for a light outside a pub. (It's not a pick up line, I just want a fag, ok?)

7. Spitting.

8. Loud nose blowing.

9. Men who shout "cheer up love, it might never happen" at you while you walk down the street minding your own business. That'll be the one that'll make me go postal one of these days.

10. Being trapped for anything up to 45 minutes in a car with the most scary of mammals - a Dublin taxi driver.

THINGS I love:

1. Autumn days when it's not warm, but not cold either. October truly is the month of new boots and coats.

2. Watching the above snotty waitress struggling to add up how much a coffee and cake costs when her till breaks down. Not so high and mighty now are we love?

3. Watching the above snotty waitress's boss bawl her out two minutes later cos the till is broken and she can't add.

4. Walking up to the bus stop just as your bus arrives.

5. Finding twenty quid in your jeans pocket when you're Stoneybatter broke.

6. Logging on and finding someone has left a comment on my blog (a cheap sympathy shot I know but had to be done!)

7. M&S chocolate chip cookies. How do they get them to stay so gooey?!

8. The fact that I've finally found a pair of jeans that encompass my ass.

9. Watching a couple row in the street. A guilty pleasure I know, but something we've all done.

10. Knowing that the above item (number 9) is called schadenfreude, a German word for taking pleasure in others' misfortune. How brainy am I?!