Life's a bastard...but sometimes it lets up

The life and times of an ordinary Dublin girl. Follow her journey as she finds out working from home really ISN'T about watching Oprah all day and that perhaps men aren't really all bastards.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

You blew it again guys!

BEFORE you read this post, you should be warned that I AM going to generalise and basically rant about men, again. So if you’re of a sensitive nature or are all loved up and don’t want to listen, then look!

I’ve been reading this book called He’s Just Not That Into You, about men and relationships which tries to break the male psyche down into its simplest form (not hard eh, fnarr fnarr).

Basically it says if you meet a guy and he doesn’t call..then he’s just not that into you. If you’re dating a guy and he doesn’t want to move things on or introduce you to friends, then he’s just not that into you.

The book explains that if you meet any of these men, you should just move on and not waste your energy worrying about them, that the perfect man IS out there for you and that men aren’t really pigs...they’re, yes you’ve gussed it, just not that into you.

Are you seeing a pattern emerging here?

It was kinda liberating to read and I really identified with it and the examples given in the book (such as the girl who’s fella kept breaking up with her and trying to get back together and she took him back - yes I was that pilgrim).

A lightbulb went off in my head. "Kaz, they’re just not that into you" sez I to myself. It’s nothing personal, nothing worth wasting time and tears over, they’re just not that into you.

I was starting to see men in a new light. A fuzzy, pink, warm light where they weren’t lecherous pigs intent on destroying my heart, but just poor misguided souls.

Until this morning.

This morning I was standing at the bus stop beside a very young student (no more than 18, if that) who was wearing a short skirt, thick wooly tights and winter boots.

She nearly caused a pile up as every man, literally every single one, who passed her in their cars slowed down to rubberneck at her.

Grown men, some close to 60 years of age, drooling over a teenager barely out of school and very probably the same age as their daughters at home. I nearly brought up my breakfast.

At this point you probably think I’m exaggerating, but I kid you not, in the few minutes before her bus arrived, at least 150 cars slowed down to leer at her, most very obviously.

You may also think that I’m jealous because they were looking at her and not me, but nothing could be further than the truth. That kind of ‘appreciation’ I can do without, thanks.

The poor girl was nearly in tears by the time her bus arrived at this unwanted attention and miserably pulled at her skirt and tried to pull down her jacket to cover her legs. She didn’t deserve that.

Everyone has the right to wear whatever they please and this girl was very probably just wearing the same clothes as her friends and peers, she didn’t appear to me to be making a statement or dressing to shock.

Well she didn't give me that impression when she hurried onto her bus weeping and trying to cover herself anyway.

I wonder if any of those men who got a cheap thrill this morning will think about how they upset that girl and how they would feel if THEIR daughter or sister came home with a similar story? Probably not.

Again, I’m aware that I’m generalising and that a lot of men wouldn’t leer at a young girl like that, but I didn’t notice any man looking away this morning.

It seems to me that as soon as something restores my faith in the opposite sex, all it takes is a short skirt to blow it out of the water. Sigh!



At 7:39 p.m., Blogger Paige A Harrison said...

Excellent blog. My boyfriend agrees totally with you also - although he makes a strong case for a in-built hormonal/primeval urge that all men seemingly have. Tony claims this cause him to be attracted momentarily to any female revealing more than the norm. Nubile young ones, yummy Mummys and glamorous grannies - it doesn't matter. He claims that he's not really into them but is hardwired to react. Also goes on to claim that the designers of women's clothes exploit this pavlovian response.

At 12:05 p.m., Blogger JL Pagano said...

Your excellent post is timely as I heard on the radio this morning that it is something like the 35th anniversary of the Page 3 model.

I second the assertion of Paige's bf.

I agree "leering" is deplorable, but I define that as obscene hand gestures and loud making of noises like "PHWOA" and the like, and I very much doubt the majority of the hundreds of men looking at the girl at the bus stop did anything close to that.

Of course women should not have to apologize for what they wear, but by the same token, I shouldn't have to apologize for having my attention diverted by an attractive female, provided I don't make a song and dance of it.

At 2:06 p.m., Blogger KnackeredKaz said...

That's the thing though JL, they DID make a song and dance of it! No hand gestures, but they visibly s-l-o-w-e-d down their cars and turned their heads nearly backwards on their necks to get a better look at her, some even rolled down their windows for a clearer view. I don't object to men looking at women appreciatively and respectfully, it's when grown men leer at a teenager, barely more than a child that I have a problem with. I agree you shouldn't (and by you I mean men in general) have to apologise for being distracted by an attractive female, but I do think you should apologise for reducing her to tears with your 'attention'.

I guess I'll have to agree to disagree with you JL and Paige's boyfriend on whether it's inbuilt in men to react to a female...animals react indiscriminately to the opposite sex, human beings are supposed to have more sense and control.

At 11:02 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree that it was deplorable that this young girl was reduced to tears, however i dont think men are to blame. I dont care how many thousands of years of evolution humanity has experienced we are still basically just complex animals - we react to stimuli and an attractive woman certainly fits that bill. Obviously when we sit down and rationalise things we find such obvious leering as odius but we still do it. Also, how are men meant to know when its ok to look and when its not. Women delibertly spend much time and effort in making themselves noticable to men, indeed with the intention of turning heads! On several occasions i have experienced the wrath of various other halfs when failing to pay due attention to their beautifying efforts!
Like it or loath it men will leer at attractive women whether its welcome or not - its just what we do. Accept it as another one of those Men are from Mars & Woman are from Venus things.

At 10:29 a.m., Blogger KnackeredKaz said...

Well there you have it ladies! Straight from the horse's mouth! Men are animals.

"I dont care how many thousands of years of evolution humanity has experienced we are still basically just complex animals".


"men will leer at attractive women whether its welcome or not - its just what we do."

Charming! I'm SO glad I'm a woman right now!

(Oh and Anonymous there's a difference between noticing your girlfriend or wife has had a haircut/bought a new outfit and drooling out the window at a girl young enough to be your daughter...just so you know!)

I expect that one day when YOUR daughter comes home from school or college upset because men made her feel uncomfortable that you'll sit her down and say "darling, we're all just animals, we're MEANT to leer". Yeah, that'll comfort her!

At 12:45 p.m., Blogger Fi said...

The poor kid, I hope that the unwanted attention doesn't do long term damage to her self esteem. I know that if that happened to me at the age I am now I would be very jumpy afterwards but would probably give as good as I got if I could. However at 18 it would have been a very different story.
I agree with you when you say that sort of attention is wrong and inappropriate.
However its unfair to pigeon hole all men in the animal category. Some are and yet there are some gentlemen out there too, they're just less obvious!

At 11:12 a.m., Blogger Dotsy's Complaint said...

Do animals leer?

At 6:00 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

Woman do it to men too, maybe not as badly though. Society just doesn't make a point out of that. I've seen plenty of girls at my school with half naked pictures of men in their lockers,and i know the girls in the restaurant i work at make it a point for every girl to see the hot guy who just came in. Stop blaming only 1 gender.


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