Life's a bastard...but sometimes it lets up

The life and times of an ordinary Dublin girl. Follow her journey as she finds out working from home really ISN'T about watching Oprah all day and that perhaps men aren't really all bastards.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Clean hair....the pornstar way!

IS it only me, or does anyone else feel slightly uncomfortable when they get their hair washed in a salon and they do that mini-head-massage thing?

I don’t mean uncomfortable as in ‘ow, Jaysus you’re reefing the head off me and my neck is about to snap off’ I mean uncomfortable as in ‘that actually feels quite pleasurable, yet you’re a stranger, so should I be enjoying this?’

Allow me to explain. On Saturday I went to the hair dressers (a swanky one, in town) for a wash and blow dry, in preparation for the night ahead.

As my hair is feeling the effects of winter, and also cos I’m a lazy cow who can’t be bothered to do that whole hair in a hot towel conditioning thing, I asked them to put in a treatment to make it “lovely and shiny”.

The fabulous male hair-washer whisked me off to a basin and waved a dinky little bottle of conditioner in front of me saying he was going to put that in and it’d do the job.

(I later realised that the reason he only waved it in front of me and then spirited it away was so that I wouldn’t see the €12 price tag on it, but I digress.)

Anyway, so after scrubbing my hair squeaky clean twice and questioning me intently about my plans for the evening, he proceeded to whack in the (very expensive) treatment.

And that’s when things got uncomfortable.

Apart from the sloooowww, firrrrrrmmmm kneading of my skull, he accompanied it with a narrative, along the lines thus:

“Does that feel gooooood? This will really make your hair healthy…am I doing it too hard? Will I do that again? Does this feel ok for you?” in manner of a 70s porn film.

All he was short of was a few “uh huh, ooooh yeahhhhhhh’s” and it would have been complete.

I know it was wrong, I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I found myself responding in kind along the lines of “oh that’s soooooo good, harder, ohhhh the back of my neck”.

It was when I threw in a “shag me baby” that he stopped abruptly.

Needless to say, I think I’ll be avoiding that particular salon from now on, but on the upside my hair is at its swishy best and the shine would blind a small child.

Pic of Ron Jeremy courtesy of


At 4:17 a.m., Blogger Sandra said...

I absolutely love getting my hair washed - but the pornstar hairdresser sounds a wee bit freaky!

At 7:32 a.m., Blogger Emma in Canada said...

Maybe he thought that you are a bit stressed and needed a nice massage? Did you complain of a headache? Professional shampoos are supposed to be great for headaches.

Or he very well may have been a hairdresser with a side interest in porn. Who knows.

At 12:11 p.m., Blogger Cat said...

This reminds me of when I worked in television and did a feature on alternative therapies. As part of the feature, I was filmed having various treatments. Some were more pleasant than others. And then it came to the massage part. I'd to strip to my bra in front of pervy Derek the cameraman and scurry under the duvet. The massage commenced. Pervy Derek insisted that I "look like I was enjoying it" and when that wasn't good enough, encouraged me to make "appreciative noises". Needless to say, I felt like I was appearing in some low-budget porn flick, even more so when that part of the feature mysteriously disappeared in the edit. I suspect PD may have his own private copy...

At 3:09 p.m., Blogger Pure Cork Boy said...

What are you complaining about, I get my hair cut every two weeks (it just grows too fast and out like a shrub or something equally hideous and it has to be kept under control) and I just love when the nice woman washes my hair afterwards and firmly massages my scalp with her fingers! Feck, it just feels shagging great.

Sometimes they use this kind of funny brush thing - hey, I'm a guy, we don't know the names of shit like that, it's probably called a scalp massager or something like that - and it just feels totally fantasic. I'd highly recommend it!

At 3:10 p.m., Blogger Pure Cork Boy said...

Out of curiosity, can we take it that he refused your offer of a shag?

At 4:46 p.m., Blogger The Swearing Lady said...

Holy orgasmic follicles, Batman! I'm so getting that done the next time I'm having the ould tangles professionally detangled.

At 1:03 a.m., Blogger Curly K said...

I'm with Sandra and PureCorkBoy, I love when the hairdresser massages your head whilst shampooing - I reaallly do -ummmm

At 10:44 a.m., Blogger KnackeredKaz said...

I guess I AM the only one who feels uncomfortable so! Funny enough Emma, I did have a headache and it got rid of it! It wasn't the massage as such it was the running porn commentary that got me!

And yes, Pure Cork Boy, he did refuse my well intentioned offer of a shag.

Even when his shift was over and I was waiting for him outside the salon, he still said no.

And then when I followed him home, begging all the way on the 46A, he still refused.

Ah but me and the Gardai still had a laugh about it!

At 10:25 p.m., Blogger monty said...

Gawd! I always decline the head massage. Thought it was just that too, a massage, AND free. I owe you a fiver.

At 2:05 p.m., Blogger fatmammycat said...

You are not, it's bloody disgusting. They haven't a clue what they are doing and they can make you feel physically sick. I don't put up with it for a second. I also go to an old fashioned hairdressers where on my very first visit I said, 'see here buddy/miss, I just want you to colour it, wash it, condition it, rinse it, cut it and dry it, I have a book with me, don't ask me about my holidays/boyfrind/children or think that I might be interested in chatting, I'm won't be.'
They used to think I was a stuck up bitch, now they like me because I can 'do' comfortable silence and I tip.

At 7:45 a.m., Blogger Mr McGuinness said...

I get my hair cut by a 70 year old Polish bloke called Andre. He doesn't quite have the same effect.
I still would though.......

At 3:06 a.m., Anonymous tawdreyaudrey said...

Look your paying for it. Only when he asks you to wash your hair over the sink then you should you be worried.

At 3:45 p.m., Blogger Pure Cork Boy said...

Come on, put up a new post, I need to read something funny!

Although, no pressure like...

At 8:57 p.m., Blogger Annie Rhiannon said...

Oh god, I love getting my hair washed. And I have been known to let the odd little moan slip out.

But my friend is a hairdresser and she says they're all used to it so that's okay then.


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